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I never thought I’ll be able to ‘talk’ to her so friendly, so…without resentments.  Funny thing, it feels great.

I’m absolutely sure this wouldn’t have been possible without someone who practically mended my heart. It’s a miracle I never expected, to be free of those awful hard feelings that bordered on hatred and poisoned my soul.

It’s like I’m talking to an old friend that knows me well and in the same time a different person than the one who made me suffer. Now I can see my mistake. I should have read the signs, understood that she didn’t love me, stopped dreaming, stopped asking something in return. But I was too blinded by my feelings and I held on some words, simple words. In the end I became clingy, even hysterical.

I almost can see the past with objective eyes. There’s no one to blame and we’re both to blame. Still it doesn’t matter anymore, it’s just an experience we both needed. Or not. But I think I have learned a few things from it.

Sometimes there’s a thought that bothers me slightly but I push it down quickly ‘cause it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m almost sad realizing that she never loved me. Not the erotic kind of love, but something more than mere friendship. I don’t know if I’m bothered by this because it makes me a fool or an unworthy person. But it’s all in the past and can’t hurt me anymore.

It’s quite amazing what someone else’s love for us can do.

 

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